1. Genus Nomadi Grisi 

As you read this imagine it is the voice of David Attenborough.

Common name: The Grey Nomad

These strange creatures can be found everywhere but are predominantly inhabit the continent of Australia and can be seen on all the major thoroughfares dragging their large, cumbersome habitat shells behind their mobility units which almost generally contain two of the species, a male and his partner. During the daylight hours they occupy the front mobility unit which appears to be the driving force and is called their vehicle. When the sun goes down they migrate from the vehicle into the habitat shell, majority of which are white in colour with quaint slogans painted on the rear end such as “Adventure before Dementia”. It is know as their caravan yet is seldom seen anywhere near camels.

They do not appear to breed and indeed most are well past their reproductive age. Though majority mate for life, they can be found mating with their mate’s wife or their wife’s mate. Though these unions appear futile to us, as they do not produce offspring, majority still seem to be actively seeking such activities as few have other forms of entertainment once the sun sets. We assume they evolved from some other life form such as the "small business owner", " self-employed tradesman" and the " middle management executive".

They can be divided into two distinct sub-species.

a) Nomadi Grisi Annua

Common name: The Annual Grey Nomad

These creatures are generally older with an average age of 75 years and are originally from the southern regions of the continent. Most also fall into the subspecies of old-age pensioners and, as they are too frail to hunt for their own food, depend upon handouts from the government to exist. It is virtually impossible to differentiate between the sexes of this species. Most of them are as wide as they are high and have lost nearly all the recognisable features that separates male from female. We only hope that they can tell the differences.

This species is predominantly migratory. In the cooler winter months they migrate north in their thousands and can be found parking their caravans en-mass at the same locations in the Northern Territory, or coastal regions of Queensland and the north of Western Australia. Year after year they stay in the same spot, often meeting up and forming friendships that span decades with similar Annual Grey Nomads from neighbouring region in the south, living cheek to jowl with people to whom they would not even give the time of day to back home. They stay virtually immobile only venturing out onto the nearest lake or river to fish from small aluminium floatation devices coloqually known as "tinnies", that they bring with them from the south atop their mobility units.

There they remain in the same location until the weather up north becomes unbearably hot and humid at which time they return to their sedentary lives in places such as suburban Melbourne.

b) Nomadi Grisi Perenne

(Common name: The Perennial Grey Nomad

This subspecies, virtually on the road non-stop for months, even years on end, can rarely be found in the same location for more that a week. On average they are a decade or two younger that the Annual Grey Nomads with an average age of 66.6 years. Their habitat shells are generally newer, larger and more elaborate, often containing such luxury items as satellite dishes and espresso machines.

The majority of the Perennial Grey Nomads fall into the category of “Self-Funded-Retirees”. With this species there appears to be a direct correlation between the size of their superannuation fund and the size of their habitat shell. At first glance there is little rhyme or reason to the pattern of their travel and if several are observed for a few months their paths may cross a couple of times before they all take off in random directions. Like the Annual Grey Nomad, majority of the Perennial variety can be found north of the Tropic of Capricorn during the late spring & winter months between May and September and as with their older counterparts, they head south during the summer months. The younger and more adventurous members of this species tend to venture into more remote locations and both their mobility units and habitat shells are of a more rugged construction.

Apart from the Grey Nomads there are other types of nomads on this island that appear to be unrelated

2. Nomadi Brunneis

(Common name: The Brown Nomad)

A much younger species, sometimes with offspring in tow these nomads surprisingly rarely evolve into Grey Nomads. Perhaps the stress of coping with young ones, under what can only be described as primitive conditions, wears this younger species out before they have time to mature into Grey Nomads.

Their vehicles and habitat shells are usually less salubrious than their older counterparts. In particular their habitat shells are little more than trailers that open out like a children’s’ pop-up story book into a two or three room tent. They also tend to spend shorter periods on the road and longer periods partaking in itinerant work practices presumably to finance this wanderlust lifestyle.

This brings us to the final genus Nomadi.  The youngest and perhaps most energetic:

3. Nomadi Viridis

(Common name: The Green Nomad)

These nomads are generally between the ages of 18 and 30 and can be found travelling in groups, loosely based on either gender or dialect. Majority are foreign to this island having arrived by aerial migration for a period of less than 12 months. They emit strange verbal sounds as a form of communicating that are rarely understood from one group to the next.

As a mode of traversing this large island, these younger nomads sometimes rent painted, psychedelic mobility units. These vehicles have often been converted to accommodate a sleeping platform and basic cooking facilities and would otherwise have been deemed unroadworthy. Sometimes they buy old, clapped-out passenger vehicles, fill it with portable habitat units made of nylon fabric and thin polymer sticks that they construct each evening to sleep in to protect themselves from the elements. As the Nomads are the largest carnivorous mammals on the island, and thus at the top of the food chain, this thin layer of nylon is sufficient protection.

In general there are two distinct sub-species of Green Nomads; those that travel in breeding pairs and those who travel in unrelated groups of between three and six individuals with their number dependant solely upon the seating capacity of their vehicles. While this latter subspecies appears, at first glance, to be non-breeding groups they frequently meet up with similar groups of the opposite sex along the road, and after consuming what, to the general population, would be deemed alarming quantities of alcohol or other mind-altering substances, they generally pair off to copulate, though due to what appears to be a thin film of rubber placed over the male genitals, they are seldom successful in reproducing and we can only presume this is act of conjugation is simply done for mutual pleasure.

Both subspecies are quite similar in appearance. The males often display elaborate body art permanently imbedded in their epidermis, presumably during some painful, native coming-of-age ritual where hollow needles filled with coloured dyes are repeated jabbed into their skin. Perhaps this colourful display is a way of attracting members of the opposite sex, much as the peacock displays his bright coloured feathers to attract the peahen.

The only obvious sign of fur on their bodies is predominantly on their heads and sometimes their faces. The fur on their heads is either completely shaven off or the absolute opposite, very long and worn in what is colloquially known as “dread-locks”, (wax encrusted ringlets) held up off their shoulders by elasticised bands and rarely washed thus giving them a dirty and dishevelled appearance.

The females of both subspecies are more similar in appearance. Again usually between the ages of 18 & 30, and scantily clad, they display large quantities of naked skin. Perhaps to compensate for their lack of colour, the paler varieties attempt to deepen the shade of their epidermis by spending prolonged hours lounging, inactively in the sunshine. This changes their colour from bland beige to a variety of shades from brown to cherry red. Again we can only conclude that they do this to attract the male of the species. Surprisingly though, through our observations, it is not the coloured areas of skin; but rather the white sections that cause arousal in the males of the species. Either way it appears futile as majority of couplings are not successful and we fear, if this behaviour continues, we may be witnessing the demise of yet another endangered species.